Insights of a Baby Listener

Thanks to Laura who has sent in her reflections on day 1 of a 2 day listening skills course with Baobab Centre. If you are interested in attending a Listening Skills course, or booking one for your organisation, do contact Baobab Centre.

Insights of a Baby Listener (Stop, Look & Listen)

Am I sitting comfortably? Relaxed? They I may begin…

Their eyes start by looking everywhere and then end up on my chin!
No matter where they’re looking, I maintain a steady gaze,
And my energy is focused on what they have to say.
With Open Body Language and a deep stillness within,
Some Minimal & Positive Encouragement – “Oh yes” “Uh huh” and “Hmm”
The story is unfolding but the speaker needs to breathe,
So I interject a Reflection – to establish Clarity.

Onwards, and happily inwards, go the story-tellers words,
And I remember every tiny piece like crumbs are to winter birds,
A subtle shift and a comment hangs suspended in the air,
I proffer gentle Repetition, delivered on a smile, with care.
The speaker repeats the repetition - a change in focus then appears,
The sub-plot bleeds into the forefront as mutual understanding cheers 
Now it’s time for Paraphrasing and so tentatively I say…
“So, am I right in thinking...” to check I understand okay

We share some healthy laughter; the story continues to evolve,
But I notice an incongruity that my speaker needs to solve,
So I Summarise and the sub-plot goes from Understudy to the Lead,
With a couple of Open Questions moving Speaker to concede -
That the issues that had prompted conversation to start with me -
Are actually less important and that talking has helped them see,
That what they thought was bothering them isn’t bothering them at all,
BUT an underlying problem is now pinned against the wall!

Next in sequence, The Big Challenge! And yet…I know another way,
So I sit - and I say nothing, letting Silence have its day.
At first it isn’t comfy, in fact it’s bloody hard to do,
But at last my lovely speaker begins again…Whew!
We celebrate Revelation and they pick up the task in hand,
With a renewed sense of purpose, and a smile, they stand.
We hug and go our separate ways - but the story is safe with me,
For the mantle of The Listener is confidentiality.

Laura-Jayne
7th March, 2013

 Reflective Poem prompted by Day 1 of Listening Skills Training [BAOBAB]

Don't Worry, Be Happy

It is mid-February, which means many people are starting to emerge from the seasonal downers of one kind of another. The existence of winter blues in the lives of so many turned my mind to the issue of happiness.


The Independent online, 24 July 2012 reported the following:
"The average Briton rates their "life satisfaction" as 7.4 out of 10, according to the first annual results of David Cameron's so-called happiness index."
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/first-annual-results-of-david-camerons-happiness-index-published-7972861.html


Leaving aside the many questions raised by the idea of a Government having a Happiness Index, I would like to invite you to consider one thing: Is being happy a good thing?


Thanks to Mark Ashworth for the following thoughts on this matter.


Happy reading!




Happiness



Within my life I’m considering constantly what would actually make me happy? The more I think about it though, the more I think seeking happiness isn’t the right question. Why do I say that?I say that because I’m starting to feel that striving for happiness is actually counterproductive. If I embraced the fact that I’m not going to be happy for a part of the time in my life and that feeling unhappy is actually just as important as feeling happy, that would actually make me feel…..happier.



Quite convoluted but let me try to explain.


When I think back on my life and honestly consider the happiest moments, I’d have to say it’s a pretty mixed bag. They include work achievements, the thrill of closing big deals, sporting wins, having a particularly fantastic meal, romantic moments / periods of my life, sitting playing computer games with no worries, days out in the country etc.


All of those happy moments come with opposites. The hundreds of cold calls to get the prospect including all the rejections to find the one deal which closes, the hours in the gym to prepare for the sporting event, the rubbish meals which give me a base to understand what was actually a good meal, the heart crunching break ups, having little free time to make the actual free time feel special so I can play games or have a day out.


You may say this is obvious but I disagree. I would say media and society in general pushes individuals to feel pressurised to reach this ideal constant happiness, something which is obviously unrealistic, but also, I would suggest, not providing a rewarding and enriching life. I’d suggest most of us try to avoid feelings of unhappiness like the plague.


If you believe that feelings of unhappiness are just as important and actually enrich your life by creating strong opposites then you can be comfortable with where you are in the present.
I see happiness a little like a drug. Take too much and your threshold for feeling the effects of happiness increase. You need stronger feelings and more of it to feed your desire for happiness. To the point where feeling physically happy is incredibly difficult.


Now of course the opposite is also true, constant unhappiness, is incredibly difficult. Which means unfortunately we are back to life being about a balance, which does annoy me as it is so clichéd but I feel in this instance an appropriate and important one.


So, if I switch my thinking to actually embracing the fact that unhappy feelings, pain, hurt, grief are natural feelings that will actually enrich my life and help me appreciate the happy feelings, that actually feels quite liberating. I think what I’m trying to say is: don’t be afraid of being unhappy, it’ll make you happier.

MARK ASHWORTH

Can a Small Change Make a Difference?

Are you planning or thinking about making changes in your life or at work? If so, maybe the thoughts offered below will facilitate your thinking.


I wonder if making a small change can make a difference? Can training a few people in an organisation make a difference? Can changing a small part of our way of being as an individual make a difference?

In considering this we are immediately faced with a number of questions:

• What does difference mean?
• What does small mean?
• What counts as a change?
• Who decides what these words mean?
• Who decides whether the difference made is one which is worthwhile?
• How will we know if the change has made any difference?
• How are these things decided?
• Does it matter if we cannot quantify a change or its impact on self, or on an organisation?
• Do we know what counts as evidence of change?

Consider a time when you were sitting in your garden in the sunshine (the concept of sunshine being a bit tricky this summer). Think about the shadows that creep across the garden until you find yourself sitting in the shade.


Did you notice the small movements of the shade?



What is a big enough movement or change for you to notice?



Can the bigger, noticeable changes happen without the smaller, unnoticeable ones?



What does this mean, or how can you apply this thinking to changes you are contemplating in your life or work?


If you have something you would like to say about these thoughts and questions, or if you want to share experiences of small changes making a difference, feel free to email it to office@baobabcentre.com and it may be posted on this blog.

A Bit of Banter

Thanks to Lee Smith for offering this reflective piece written to stimulate our thinking about banter.


If “Banter” was a bloke, would you like him?


“Ey up, Banter, where have you been?” says Micky Take.


Banter replies with a jolly “morning everyone!”



“It was when we got up” Wise Crack gets in quickly.


Who is Banter, how can you say whether you like him or not. Is he the quick witted person that has the humorous quip to every occasion? We all like him, the Captain Blackadder type character who has the ability to say what we all would like to say, in the manner we would like to say it, just at the right time. All the characters gleefully play their roles leaving the setting perfect for the killer punch line.


Just like life at times, you can’t help yourself. I was ever so pleased with myself when a work colleague told us all about his “lazy eye” with perfect timing I quipped, “It’s not your eye that’s lazy, it’s the rest of you.” You had to be there.


Or, is Banter the guy at work that always greets you with the same old tiresome insult? Some comment that could be construed as a greeting that, even though it is not the case, only years of close friendship could allow to be ignored. But you do. You roll your eyes, call him a name as you pass by then forget it.


Is Banter the one who hunts for victims, you dare not catch his attention or it will be you to face the humiliation of his so called wit. Like the playground bully he singles you out and everyone laughs. It’s only a joke!


If banter is me, I am sure everyone knows my quips are well meant, something to lighten the moment. No offence. After all, when my character was built, things were much worse. I have been through that passage of rites and now it’s only fair, I have earned the privilege.


And if Banter is you, would we all like you? Do you care?


Should we get rid of Banter? Kill him? Or should we treat him like we would all like to be treated. Tolerate his brash clumsiness, recognise his insecurities and weaknesses. See the good things he offers. But we should always, let him know when he has stepped over the mark.



Lee Smith, Station Manager, Craven District,
North Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service

Channel 4 Goes Mad

From July 2012.

One in four people in the UK will struggle with a mental health difficulty at some stage of life.

Despite mental health problems being so common, the stigma remains and discrimination is widespread. All this week, at 10pm, Channel 4 will be showing programmes inviting us to re-evaluate our thoughts and feelings around mental health.

The programme on Wednesday 25 July promises to be particularly interesting, with a panel of experts trying to determine which of the 8 job seekers they are interviewing have, or have had, significant mental health problems.


For more information, visit http://4goesmad.channel4.com/